I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
