i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
