Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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