So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
