dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Randomize
