I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
