I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
