Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
