drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
