I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
someone owes me an orgasm
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
