my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
