The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
