i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
