so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
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