i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
