FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
