if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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