Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
