You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
