Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
