i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
