It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just gargled with NyQuil
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
