You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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