I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
