Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
