He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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