Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
