He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
