You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
