just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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