I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
