Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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