I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
