Just cropdusted the office
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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