I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
