I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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