Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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