Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
