I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
