Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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