I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
