This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
