All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
