Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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