his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
