I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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