My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
