His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
