lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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