He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
