my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
