theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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